Control and Stress

Sometimes I imagine my life as being held in a large handkerchief, and I have to constantly make sure I'm holding the corners together to keep everything in.  If I let go of just one of the corners for even one second, everything will fall on the floor.

I end up feeling like there is always something to do, and it always depends on me.  Like I always have to be responsible.  And it gets bad enough sometimes that I even get stressed out by the fun stuff that's supposed to relax me, because I feel like I have to plan it and make sure it happens smoothly and makes everyone happy.

Argh.  I just want to be able to let go.  Say fuck it to everything.  Give up control.  It's so easy for other people, why not for me?  Why do I always feel the need to be responsible?

Obviously there is a balance to be found here.  But I always end up on the too stressed out and uptight end of the spectrum.  I just want a break.  A time when I don't have to think, don't have to worry, don't have to give a fuck about anything.  Time to just be, and to do whatever comes along.

Knowing that whatever I'm worried about getting done is (a) not as important as I'm making it out to be, or (b) I can rely on someone else to take care of it.

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  1. Love the "fuck it" tag.

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